You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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