Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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