Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
