If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
