New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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