maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
