I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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