tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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