who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
