i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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