youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
