So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
