Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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