just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
