Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
