lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
