i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize