In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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