The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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