it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
