Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
