They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
