I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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