If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
