you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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