Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
