So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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