i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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