He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
