those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
