i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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