i permit you to call me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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