Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
