I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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