They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
