Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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