planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
