don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
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doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.