Pregnant stripper...not hot.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
