So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
