I'm jealous of your bromance
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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