wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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