you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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