I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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