she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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