There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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