Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
