don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
