yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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