I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize