just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my being single is dangerous.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
