I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
