I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
