I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
