Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
