I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize