Plan B is the new Plan A
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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