I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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