Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize