You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
