Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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