That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
