don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
