I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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