then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
