dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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