david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
