Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
