i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
