how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
