I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
