proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
