soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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